My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
