I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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