All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
