The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
