Non-Jews are for practice
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
