Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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