just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
