the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
