I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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