do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize