and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
