Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
