lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
