It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
