the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
