I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
