That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
