hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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