Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
