I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
