it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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