Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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