just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So much Jack, so little girl.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
