If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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