i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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