your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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