You're completely useless in the revolution.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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