I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
