his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize