Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
