All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
