Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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