i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
