his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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