Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Nicole vs. Life
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
