i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize