I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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