ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
