She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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