You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
