so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
