Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
