I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize