For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
