only if we run a train.
done.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
