Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
