my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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