I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My ATM looks so different sober.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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