I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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