okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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