Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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