Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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