i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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