trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
