I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Boobs are out for the taking
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
