You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
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