You were right. It hurts to walk today.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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