she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
