Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
