Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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