On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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