dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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