my mouth tastes like poor choices
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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