shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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