if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
