finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
