How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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