Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
