hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
