google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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