Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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