Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
