you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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