mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
