just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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