my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
