i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
