The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
